Gringo en Nicaragua: Comfort Zones

In Nicaragua,Travel on August 23, 2013 by lokipro Tagged: , , , , , , , ,

Lauren and I about to eat some grub.

Lauren and I about to eat some grub.

A few months back I took a free online course offered by Duke University professor, David Ariely called “A Beginner’s Guide to Irrational Behavior.” It was a fascinating class on behavioral economics, which discussed why we make the decisions we do. It was fascinating to learn how we can be manipulated into making specific choices. One of the lessons was about defaults, and how humans tend to stay within their comfort zone. Dr. Ariely challenged the class to push beyond their comfort zones, which inspired my first trip alone in Nicaragua!

Rob had left town for the week, and I was moping about at home, trying to find something to distract me. My friend Lauren and her husband bring students to Nicaragua for medical missions, and they were headed to a town called Leon. They had invited me to meet up with them there, but I was nervous. I had never driven outside of Managua without Rob, I didn’t really like hostels, and I wasn’t sure if I’d enjoy myself. Luckily, the prior evening was the lesson on defaults and going outside your comfort zone, and I said, “f*ck it!” I booked a room at a hostel right on the beach called the Surfing Turtle Lodge, it was about 15 minutes from Leon itself, so I would be completely on my own once I was done visiting with my friends.

The drive over was pleasant, it was in April, so it was still dry season… meaning the majority of the foliage was brown. About halfway through the drive a new type of tree that I had never seen was blooming gorgeous bright yellow flowers. I wish I had been brave enough to stop and take pictures, but there’s only so far I can go outside of my comfort zone. Being a gringo, in the middle of an empty highway, snapping pictures was a bit too much for me… so sadly I have no pictures to show you. [If anyone knows what those trees are, let me know so I find a picture and post.]

A few bags of Fritos and a Coke-zero later, I arrived in Leon. I had been here once, and I have an uncanny sense of direction and somehow ended up parking in the exact same place I had when Rob and I had previously visited… though, I found it through a totally different route.

I met up with my friends and we ate at a restaurant nearby. During the meal I got an email from the hostel asking me when I would arrive, and I told them I’d be heading over within a few hours. After a few email exchanges, come to find out that this hostel is not a place you can simply drive to. No, of course not! Apparently, I had made a reservation at a hostel where I would have to drive 15 minutes outside of Leon and park at the end of a dirt road in little Poneloya, take a boat across a bay, and then a horse driven cart to the hostel! From the email exchange, I was told I pretty much had about 60 minutes left before the cart stopped running, and they did not recommend that my first trip over be stumbling through a dirt road to find the hostel.

Note to self: Don’t trust Google Maps in Nicaragua!

2013-04-09 20.17.23

Delicioiusness!

I stuffed my face and headed back to my car. Now, we had walked around Leon a bit, and even with my magical sense of direction I was slightly little disoriented. I go to the spot where I thought I left my car, but it’s not there. Yes, my friends, I had gone outside my comfort zone and driven two hours away from my home, only to lose my car.

Now, I do the first thing that the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy tells you: don’t panic. I was more at a level of heavy worrying at this point… time was ticking down and I had no idea where I was in regards to my car. It’s a VERY disconcerting feeling, especially for someone who usually has an iron nose.

Of course, fate likes to throw a wrench and I get a call from my husband at that exact moment:

Rob: Hey dear, I miss you. How are you?

Me: Well… I’m in Leon and I’ve lost our car.

Rob: What? Why are you in… wait, you lost the car?

Me: Love you. Miss you. Don’t have much time. Call you when I find it!

Rob: [Audible growl] Call me as soon as you can.

Grrrrreat… now my husband can hold this over my head! I decide the best course of I run back and begin to retrace my steps. Tattoo shop… check. Hostel… check. Church… check. Hotel la Perla… check. Low and behold, there she is… my beautiful car. I almost kissed it, but I restrained myself. I really don’t want to admit this… when I found my car, I was less than 50 feet where I had been when I thought I lost it. That’s right… had I just turned the corner I would have been at my car. Of course, I have to call my husband:

Me: I found the car!

Rob: Yay!

Me: It was on the opposite corner where I was.

Rob: [silence]

Me: Don’t. Say. A word.

Rob: I said nothing!

Me: You were thinking it… anyway I have to go. Love you!

By now, it was crunch time, I wasted about 20 minutes finding my car and I still had to get directions to Poneloya.

2013-04-09 21.52.30

Crossing the bay with the captain of the ship.

I had parked right outside Hotel La Perla, a very swanky hotel, so I jumped in tried to speak Spanish to the concierge, who graciously gave me directions. I was glad it was a swanky hotel, because he responded in English. He provided me a map and directions. I jump in my car and ma


By now, the sun was starting to get low, and the person on the phone at the hostel only spoke Spanish. I ascertained that I was to meet some guy on a little boat to drive me over and there would be a horse and carriage to pick me up. I was a bit nervous… I mean, I’m all for going outside of my comfort zone, but this was a bit ridiculous.
neuver through the small, one-way streets of Leon. Normally, dodging the pedestrians and circumnavigating the bicycle cabs is fun, but they’re just slowing me down. I finally make it out of Leon and it only takes me 20 minutes to get to the end of a dirt road. Surrounding it are a few restaurants and shanties… I’m a little concerned about leaving my car there, but the owner of a nearby restaurant assures me that it will be okay to park my car over on the other dirt sidestreet. At least, I think that’s what they said… it was Spanish, and I was in a hurry.

The boat driver was a nice older gentlemen, with a sunny disposition. We had a long, deep discussion on life, the

Clippety-cloppety

Clippety-cloppety

universe and everything… or at least as long and deep as it could be in Spanish. Even though I was in a hurry, the boat ride was very calming and serene. The body of water we were crossing was a small bay, and the water was almost as smooth as glass. Barely a ripple, until our boat sliced through. I was finally starting to relax.

We reached the other side, and he dropped me off in the middle of nowhere. There were only trees and a dirt path. I ran around taking pictures and was

beginning to think I had missed the last carriage when I heard the clippety-clop of horse hooves on dirt, and the squeaky wheels of a wooden cart. I didn’t talk to the cart driver too much, his accent was fairly thick, so I relegated myself to taking in the beautiful scenery.

In the end, I made it to my destination with time to throw my stuff in my cabin, swim, and watch the sunset. While a roller coaster, pushing myself outside of my comfort zone was an extremely freeing and satisfying experience. I highly recommend trying to identify your default settings and break free… if anything, it’ll give you a great story to tell.

Long Time, No Post

In Uncategorized on August 9, 2013 by lokipro

Wow! I’m quite the jet setter, I spent the last few months in the states trying to launch a business. I’m back in Nicaragua, but will be heading back up to the states in a few weeks to (fingers crossed) do the final launch of the business. I’ve also found an illustrator for my children’s book, and am working on landing a major client. Again… life is hectic, but hectic is fun!

Anyway, my friend and writer in crime, Carmen Amato has recently interviewed me for her blog series ‘A Book Savor Chat.’

You can find it here: http://carmenamato.net/the-book-savor-series/bobby-mcdaniel/

She and I meetup every Friday for writing, so I will now be a bit better about blogging! At least one per week!

Gringo en Nicaragua: Home Sweet Home (Part Deux)

In Nicaragua on May 2, 2013 by lokipro Tagged: , , , ,

Living in Nicaragua has been interesting. I can’t believe it has been almost 7 months since I moved here, it seems like the time has flown by.

We finally got our furniture mid to late February, and we’re all settled in. I can’t tell you how much different it feels when you have your artwork, furniture, and nick knacks around you. It really does take it from just a place to sleep to your home. That tied with the ability to actually leave the house and travel in my car has done wonders on my mood. I still fall into a funk here and there, but it seems like I’m doing much better now.

Sleep, however, eludes me. I’ve always been a bit of an insomniac and without Ambien or Lunesta I’m completely awake. The problem with Ambien or Lunesta is that I’m exhausted all day the next day. Isn’t the WHOLE point of taking it too feel rested the next day? I’ve found that is the case with most sleeping aids. I also wake up feeling like I’m hungover. I think it’s because I normally wake up and drink every hour or so.

I still haven’t gotten into a routine, which you can see by the amount of posts I write. Though I have been traveling around Nicaragua. I will be posting later about every place I’ve been.

‘Til next time.

Fat Girl Stares Back: Inspiration

In Body Image,Mental Health on February 23, 2013 by lokipro Tagged: , , , , , , , ,

anorexia-mirror-adWith all the moving and traveling I’ve been doing, I haven’t had the time or energy to exercise or eat healthy. There’s something about not having a routine and stress that just makes me want to stuff my face with mac ‘n cheese and chase it with a bottle of Shiraz (yes, I said a bottle!). In addition to the lack of exercise and poor diet, it seems that there are parties here every week, which of course include libations aplenty. In my prior Fat Girl Inside posts, you’ll have read about my body image issues and my subsequent launch into a healthier lifestyle with a personal trainer.  While I never quite reached my goal or got my ‘healthy eating’ in check, I did have the best body of my life back in July.From July on, I’ve been traveling and living out of suitcases and hotels. Needless to say, my body has reverted back to its original state where my body image was unhealthy. The positive, I haven’t completely fallen back into the poor body image I had. The negative, I’m beginning to slip back into it. In come my friends Candace and Colleen (A Skinny Girl Inside). Each one is on a journey of change in habits, diets, and lifestyle. Both started on their journeys due to health reasons, and both have inspired me to begin my own journey to a healthier, happier me.

Now Candace and I have known each other longer than I’m willing to say (I’m still 25, btw… she’s apparently 21). Candace used to ascribe to the Atkins diet. This led to a very serious and incurable medical issue. With no real hope and the need for dialysis and worse, possible  surgery, she turned to a Vegan diet. After a few months of this new lifestyle, the damage that the Atkins diet had wreaked on her body reversed, surprising her own doctors. Now, normally I’d roll my eyes and say, “Yeah, right… another crazy Vegan espousing healing powers of veggies.” Luckily, I actually know Candace and her situation, and saw the difference it made in her health and her life. With her renewed health, she has been on a mission to spread the word. Her pictures of the food she makes and her story have inspired me to move towards a more plant based diet. Not that I will ever go completely Vegan (I love my medium-rare filet mignon WAY too much), but I have decided to keep my diet strictly vegetarian during the week. Amazingly, I have already felt the difference when I stick to the diet. On the weekends, when I do eat a meat and fat heavy meal, I don’t feel well after (even well into the next day). I’ve started using Vegan nutritional shakes and protein to help ensure I get enough calories in the day (I often forget to eat).

My friend Colleen and I have known each other for about 5 or 6 years now. We met at a writers group and became fast friends relatively quickly. When we met, she was a big girl. She weighed around 300 lbs, on a fairly small frame. I would occasionally drive her home. I often parked several blocks from where we would meet, and when we would walk there, she would have to make several stops to rest and catch her breath. Every time we walked to my car, I worried for her health. In 2012, she decided to get gastric bypass surgery and begin writing a blog about her experience (see my blog roll or link above). Her blog is truly the only blog I follow religiously. I wanted to support her, and cheer her on. As I’ve watched her progress I’ve been amazed at how her change in diet and lifestyle has made a huge impact on her life. I’m watching amazing progress in her health and her body. I recently flew back to DC for business  and since  I’ve been traveling and moving I hadn’t seen her since before her surgery. I went to the writers group to see her and my other friends, and I was pissed when I walked in. She hadn’t come! I Facebook messaged her an angry message, “Where are you?! I told you I’d be here.” Her response, “I’m here!” I looked around, and finally recognized her. The pictures on the intertubez didn’t do her transformation justice. She looks amazing! She has  inspired me to begin exercising again, and get back the body that I had in July.

Seeing her change in body and mind jump started my own journey, but what really cemented it was the worst flu I’ve ever had. While I was in DC I got so sick I didn’t eat anything for about 3 days. I’ll spare you the graphic details, but let’s just say that I was completely cleansed by the end of the third day. I decided that instead of going back to my old unhealthy lifestyle, that it was the perfect time to start on this new journey. So now I’m putting it out there:

    • No coffee for a month
    • No alcohol for a month
    • Eat vegetarian during the week
    • Cut out as much dairy as possible
    • Exercise at least 3 times a week

I’ve already started the first 4, and I will begin exercising next week!

Let’s see if I can keep this up.

BTW… the hardest part so far has been the no coffee rule. I want it so bad! :/

A Dangerous Game: Aetna’s Denial of Mental Health Coverage

In Mental Health on January 31, 2013 by lokipro Tagged: , , , , , , ,

I make it no secret to family, friends, or even strangers: I’m crazy.

I was diagnosed with cyclothemia (fast-cycling bipolar disorder) a few years back, and have been successful in its ongoing treatment.

A quick briefing of the bipolar spectrum:

Bipolar disorder affects men and women equally. It usually starts between ages 15 – 25. The exact cause is unknown, but it occurs more often in relatives of people with bipolar disorder.

Types of bipolar disorder:

  • People with bipolar disorder type I have had at least one manic episode and periods of major depression. In the past, bipolar disorder type I was called manic depression.

    People with bipolar disorder type II have never had full mania. Instead they experience periods of high energy levels and impulsiveness that are not as extreme as mania (called hypomania). These periods alternate with episodes of depression.

  • A mild form of bipolar disorder called cyclothymia involves less severe mood swings. People with this form alternate between hypomania and mild depression. People with bipolar disorder type II or cyclothymia may be wrongly diagnosed as having depression.

 

I love how they say ‘less severe mood swings.’ I’m sure my husband would beg to differ.

Anyway, we all know I’ve moved to Nicaragua to follow my husband down to his post. We were legally married in DC, but because I just so happen to be a man, I am not extended coverage that my heterosexual equals receive. My COBRA just ended, so I’ve been searching for new insurance. I absolutely loved my carrier Aetna, so I decided to try and get their International coverage that they provide. It was the same exact plan I have had with Aetna for the last 3 or 4 years.

I just received an email with this note:

OK to accept with permanent exclusion on any form of psychiatric illness/condition and Related Conditions. Benefit 7 – Psychiatric illness does not apply to this Policy.

Wait… what?!

In the past, I’ve known that people are denied coverage based on pre-existing conditions, an issue that ‘Obamacare’ will resolve (for us adults) in 2014. (The law ensured that children cannot be denied coverage based on pre-existing conditions from the time it was enacted.) It never occurred to me that an insurance company could pick and choose what they could provide you. I had just assumed that you got the package they put forth and either paid more or less per month based on your medical history, risk, etc.

Not so.

In light of the recent school shootings, a national debate has been sparked on mental illness and access to mental health services, and now, the company that I’ve used for my health care for the last several years wants to deny me the same coverage which they gave me before? Seriously?!

While the fact that my husband’s insurance does not extend to me is frustrating, I’m glad I have had to deal with this. The issue has now gone from the esoteric ‘they’ to the flesh and blood ‘me.’ I’ve been told by several people with chronic medical issues that they have been outright denied coverage or that what has happened to me has happened to them. I now wonder if Obamacare really will change anything when the pre-existing condition rule takes effect. Will the insurance companies get around it by simply denying the specific coverage for the pre-existing medical conditions that they think costs too much? Any of my readers know?

Gay Rights: When Allies Become Enemies

In Politics on January 18, 2013 by lokipro Tagged: , , , , ,

Ashley (Left) & Heather (Right) with their son Carson

I don’t normally discuss politics anymore. It’s become almost impossible to have a real, substantive debate about any political hot-button issue without it devolving into fallacious arguments and personal attacks.  But here I go, into the fray:

Many of you may have already heard the story, but recently my friend (Ashley Broadway) requested to join the military spouse’s club that meets at Ft. Bragg. She was denied membership.  The fallout from the spouse’s club previously nonexistent rule requiring a military ID for membership, removing their bylaws from their website, attempts to block  the club’s web page with password access, and asserting their decision after much publicized national debate has blown up in their face. If you don’t know about what has happened you can read the articles here:

Her open letter to the club after the first time she was rejected: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/ashley-broadway/association-of-bragg-officers-spouses-same-sex-military-spouse-denied-membership_b_2277589.html

http://www.lgbtqnation.com/2012/12/fort-bragg-meeting-brings-no-resolution-in-discrimination-by-spouses-group/

http://usnews.nbcnews.com/_news/2012/12/14/15889461-same-sex-wife-of-army-officer-banned-from-joining-fort-bragg-spouses-club?lite

Obviously there’s much more, but I just want to provide a primer if you’re curious.

What I want to discuss today is the reaction within the gay community towards her. Understandingly, she has received overwhelming support from within the gay community. What I find surprising is that she has also received a lot of negative responses from within our own community. These people are attacking her ‘tactics’ and questioning her motives, framing her as selfish.

I must apologize to these folks, as I never received the memo that fighting for civil rights was selfish. I also must apologize, as I never realized that writing an open letter (to an organization that has actively discriminated against you) in hopes that they would reconsider their decision was a diabolical tactic to thrust oneself into the public limelight.

This started with a genuine desire to join a group that is specifically set up to support military spouses, she did not expect to get rejected, and her open letter requesting they reconsider was far more civil than anything I, or many of my readers, would have been able to write in such circumstances. Whether you question her motives or not, my biggest issue is that some people think that this is hurting the gay rights movement. That is absolute bullshit.

To get our civil rights, we must fight with every tool possible. Fighting discriminatory laws in court, gay pride parades, media coverage of the discrimination we face, and coming out as individuals are all important avenues that enact real change. Each one of these tools assists in humanizing our cause, and are opportunities to highlight the continued inequality and discrimination that exists. The more people know about what is happening and how we are being discriminated against, the more we move towards true equality.

You may think joining a military spouses club is petty, but it isn’t to Ashley. As a military spouse myself, I know the hardships that come with military life. I recently had to leave my job, my friends, my family, and my country to move to my husband’s post in Central America. With the move I’ve had to deal with the stress, not only the move, but the culture shock, the language barrier, the isolation, the depression… I could go on. I’ve been lucky to have a support group to help me through this, but my story is not unique. As a military spouse (or any spouse in similar situations), it is a necessity to have people who have been what you are going through and can provide support, advice, and even a shoulder to cry on. When a group that is supposed to provide this support denies you membership based on your sexual orientation, it isn’t just a slap in the face, it shakes you to your core.

The fact is, this story highlights the stark differences in the way our families are treated than our heterosexual counterparts. I’m legally married to Rob, and many of my friends have no clue that I don’t receive the same treatment as a heterosexual married couple. Even within the military, people don’t realize how differently we are treated. And while this specific issue is not necessarily about how the military discriminates against us, it has sparked a debate on both how this group discriminated against same-sex, married couples, but how the military does as well.

Even better, Ashley’s ordeal has already effected change. The Marines have moved forward and made a stand against discrimination. While DOMA limits what they can do, they have made clear that they will not tolerate this type of discrimination against same-sex couples.

To get back to my main point, it is important for the gay community to work together as a whole in order to continue to the quest for equality . Fighting among ourselves does nothing to move us forward towards equality. We are family, every type of dissent or social awareness is necessary for us to achieve our goal. We need to stop questioning each other’s motives and stop attacking each other. We are all doing what we can to move closer to our American values of liberty and justice for ALL.

She has effected change at a level that I could never dream of, and I am immensely proud of what she has been able to accomplish in such a short time.

On behalf of the LGBT community, I want to thank you for doing the right thing for your family and our community.

And in the words of Triumph, ” Fight the good fight every moment. Every minute. Every day.”

Gringo en Nicaragua: Home Sweet Home

In Nicaragua on January 17, 2013 by lokipro Tagged: , , , , , ,

As you can see, it’s been awhile since I posted. I’ve lived out of a suitcase since July, and on my return from Christmas with the family, we finally got the car and moved into the house. While we still haven’t received our furniture, it is now in customs and should arrive in February. Yes, that means it took 6 months to get our furniture from Washington, DC to Nicaragua. I’ve been somewhat down and out since moving here. While I’ve made friends and am having a good time, being tied to a hotel with no transportation leaves one feeling trapped and alone. No matter how much I trolled Facebook, or the times I was able to escape with new found friends, it was still hard to shake the feeling. I never realized how freeing it was to be able to drive and having your own place to cook. The first meal I’ve prepared was a bit, let’s say creative. Obviously, we are lacking on supplies and spices, but we picked up a few things while we moved in. I made Garlic Ginger, Starfruit Salmon, a curcumin rice, and wax beans. Woot! Now that I’m well rested, home, and in better spirits, I am hoping that I can get more blogging and writing done. We’ll see!

Gringo in Nicaragua

In Nicaragua on October 20, 2012 by lokipro Tagged: , , , , ,

Well, as I say a lot, I’ve been horrible about blogging. I find every excuse not to, and it seems that every time I feel the gumption to do it, I’m not near a computer. Well… I’m not in the mood to blog, but I am going to force myself, because I have nothing else to do right now.

I’m in Nicaragua… moved here with the hubs September 25th, and it’s been completely, mind-numbingly boring. I’m either stuck in the hotel or at one of the malls. I don’t feel like I’m really out of the States. I have everything that I could want: Quizno’s, Subway, Pizza Hut, Papa Johns, Burger Kind, and the all important Cinnabon! Almost all of the houses have bars all over the windows/doors and razor wire around huge fences. The grocery stores have almost everything that I would need, with the exception of my all important Oil of Old Lady face creams! It just reminds me a lot of Puerto Rico, but with much more poverty.

Right now, I kind of feel trapped. Rob is at work 9+ hours a day, and after all the warnings from the RSO and hotel managers, I don’t feel like I should walk around by myself. I have met a few people that I’ve been able to have lunch with, and joined an embassy book club. I’m slowly getting a social life, but I’m used to driving and walking anywhere I want to.

The good? I have SO much time to do everything I want to get done. The problem is, without the social interaction I’m used to, I’m slipping into more of a depression where I don’t want to do anything. So, instead of having the social excuses for not doing anything, it’s more of a mental attitude that leaves me just staring at my Facebook wall, waiting for the next post to comment on! ;P Pathetic, I know.

I have started knitting again, and reading. I just need to add writing and working out to that. I’ll probably feel much better when I start working. I’ve started gaining weight again, but not any good weight. This whole living out of a suitcase since July has been horrible for my workout routine and healthy eating.

Anyway, I’m gonna sign off now. Hopefully my future posts will be a bit more up-beat!

A Blog a Month

In Writing on March 18, 2012 by lokipro Tagged:

Well, I’ve been a horrific blogger. I’ve all but given up trying to win the blog off with my blogging nemesis. I keep promising to write more blogs, and have several empty placeholder posts.

I’ll be heading to Italy on Thursday. I promise to blog while I am there!

Think I can do it?

Body Image: Fat Boy Stares Back II

In Body Image,Personal on February 7, 2012 by lokipro Tagged: , , , , , ,

Trapped by Body Image

Current Stats:

Height: 6′

Weight: 140 lbs

Waist: <30″

Hello, my name is Bobby, and I’m a fat girl in a skinny boy’s body.

Some of my regular readers may remember my previous post on body image (for those who haven’t, refer to Fat Boy Stares Back I). In it, I discussed how I thought that I may have some body and self-esteem issues. I also discussed how girls are no longer the only ones barraged with images of perfection, and the recent rise of ‘manorexia’ and male body image disorders.

Well, my recent tonsillectomy confirmed the fact that I DEFINITELY have body image issues. On January 11th, 2012; my tonsils were removed. (Let’s have a brief moment of silence for their parting from the world of living organs.)

The hospital weighed me the day of the surgery, and I weighed 157 lbs. Wow… almost a healthy weight, right?! A week and a half later, after the constant stream of Percocet and my daily meal (yes, singular) of 1 – 2 package(s) of baby food, I weighed 132 lbs. In a week and a half I lost 25 lbs. (Even after a surgery, I’m an extremist.)

While I was almost ready for the runway, the sad fact was, when I looked into the mirror I finally felt like I was thin. I had pretty much no fat on my stomach… though, no sick pack (sad panda). In that moment, I was happy about the way I looked.

WTF? Happy about looking like the love-child of Skeletor and He-Man? Seriously?!

Before you freak out, I’ve since gained back 8 lbs, and seem to be holding steady. I’ve also joined an gym and have 3 personal training sessions. All of this is taking me in the right direction. This should be great, right?

WRONG!

While the gym is a great place to improve my body, it seems it’s not the best for an skinny bitch like me to feel better about myself. My first personal training session was an absolute nightmare… my trainer is 6′ 4″ and, of course, has the body of a god. What did I expect for someone who works out for a living?!

Finding my ‘baseline’ was humiliating, as my baseline was that of a starving child. I had to do pushups, pullups, bench press, weights… and I’m just a veakling.

As I’m struggling to bench press the bar… yes, the BAR… I was thinking:

“Why the fuck did I even do this. Why didn’t I just do pushups and pullups at home until I was at least I had gained a little more strength? Is that woman next to me benching 150? God, when will this humiliation END?!”

I was trying so hard not to look like a leetal guhl (which, if you didn’t notice, I was failing miserably), I pushed myself so hard that I promptly threw up after the session. I’m still sore a week later!

I have to admit, the personal trainer was supportive, stating that everyone starts somewhere… but isn’t that like saying to someone:

“Well, at least you have a good personality.”

Anyway, he gets paid to try and make me feel better.

I realize that I should give myself a little bit of a break. I did just have surgery, and probably lost half the weight in muscle mass. That still didn’t make the embarrassment any less poignant. I mean, a woman was benching 150 next to me? <- Sexism at its best folks!

The one good thing about my hyperfocus on gaining lean weight… it will help ensure that I don’t slip up with my drinking goal. I’ve told Sara that if I try and have more than I should, to look my in the eye and say:

“All alcohol is sugar, and you don’t want to get fat, do you?”

And I don’t.